1. Continue
Dating Your Spouse: It
doesn't have to be a formal dinner thing, but try to
plan something special (just the two of you) at least
every week. On a tight budget? How about a movie at home
with popcorn? A trip to the library costs nothing (movies
are loaned out for free, too). Find a cozy spot at the
local coffee house.
2. Leave Your
Single Life Habits Behind: Now that you're married, it's time
to keep marriage relationship issues
private from friends & family. Friends don't need to
know it all (we're especially talking to you, ladies) and
family may come to resent your spouse. Remember, there's
only room for two in a marriage. (Note: Domestic violence
is never okay. See a trained professional if real issues
arise or you're unsure about how you are being treated.)
3. Talk About
Concerns in a Timely Manner: If you have an issue with your
spouse, let them know as soon as reasonably
possible (please - not in the middle of a big family
gathering, business event, etc.). It's always best
to discuss concerns
when they first occur. You must be able to talk about
the little stuff if you're ever going to be able to
discuss the big stuff. If it happened more than a week
ago without
discussion, it's probably not worth discussing at all.
4. Some Issues
Can't or Won't Be Resolved: All couples have areas of their
lives that they simply will not
be able to agree or reconcile. This is why it's important
to discuss as many topics as possible before marriage.
A relationship coach can help you in this area. There's
an old adage that says, "You go into marriage with
both eyes open - you go through marriage with one eye closed." Learn
well the areas that you simply will not be able to agree
upon. If what you get from the relationship is more important
(i.e., happiness, contentment) than what you give up (personal
preferences) you can plan a very successful marriage.
5. Don't Expect
Perfection (of Self or Mate): All too often, I've heard people
say how wonderful life
will
be after
the wedding. Don't get caught up in the Hollywood
fantasy. Yes, real life provides great opportunities
for wedded
bliss; however, anticipate the lows as well as
the highs. Both you and your mate are only human. We
will all fail
or fall short of expectations at some time.
6. Choose Your
Battles Wisely: Building on #4, not all battles are worth winning,
or for that
matter,
worth
fighting at all. Save your time and energy for
the things that REALY
matter to you.
7. Avoid Absolutes: When fighting or just discussing in general, avoid
the use of words such as "always" (You
ALWAYS do this, etc.) and "never" (You NEVER
do that, etc.). It makes the other person defensive. Besides,
absolutes are almost always not true.
8. Try to understand
your spouse's POV: You may not always agree with your
partner, but
you need
to try
to understand
where he/she is coming from. Most people
don't just make stuff up just to make stuff up. If
it has meaning
to
your spouse, try to figure it out.
9. Plan Your
Life Together: The best way to feel intimate with your spouse is to
set
goals
for
yourselves together.
Your discussions are most fruitful when
goals and objectives are both short-term and long
term, individual
goals
and goals you'll both accomplish together.
10. Don't Expect
your Spouse to Provide Everything: There seems to be a tendency
for newlyweds
to lean on their
spouse for all their emotional and other
needs. It's important
for each partner to keep friendships
alive
outside of the marriage.
10.5
For the Women: Give your man his
own place and space. Sometimes guys
need to
have time
to process
what's going
on in the relationship.
For the Men: Women need to be heard.
Guys, please stop watching TV for a
minute or
two and pay
attention to
your wife. It makes her feel good to
be heard.
Bonus Tips 11.
Find Out What Your Spouse Really Wants: Each of us go into marriage with our own preconceived
notions
of what it means to be a wife or a husband. We learn
this from our parents, other couples, pop culture and
other places throughout our lives. ASK your partner
what he or she expects from you, then LISTEN. His version
of the “perfect” wife may be very different
that what you’re thinking and vice versa.
12. Life presents enough challenges.
Enjoy the good times together!
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