1. Meeting Place:

Very important, especially on a first date. Meet at a somewhat quiet, neutral but public place (away from large crowds). Avoid places you usually hang out (where other people know you). You’ll want to be able to communicate easily without too many distractions.

2. Focus on the other person:

Since this is a new opportunity to connect, avoid distractions. Look into your date’s eyes when talking and listening (but please….don’t stare). Listening to your date is especially helpful if you tend to be nervous or quiet.

3. Balance the conversation:

Try not to monopolize the conversation by rambling on with a verbal resume about yourself and accomplishments. This is a first date, not a job interview. If you find yourself talking too much, ask about the other person and be quiet.

4. Stay in the present:

Avoid talking about ex’s or any horror stories from the past. No one wants to hear about it on the first date (remember: you’re still strangers). It’s more important to focus on “right here, right now.”

5. Positive energy:

Let’s face it…first impressions are important! If you’re exuding negative energy or rigid demeanor, who’s going to be interested? Lighten up. Meeting new people and sharing new experiences should be fun. Let your best side shine!

6. Getting sexual right away:

This doesn’t usually work out in the long run. Allow yourself time to balance physical attraction with other important elements like basic communication and similar outlooks and interests. You deserve the whole package, so why settle for less?

7. Pacing:

A relationship can’t move faster than the pace at which BOTH parties are comfortable. If you tend to be more intense or serious than the other person, take a breath and ease up. Allow the other person time to discover how they feel and want to proceed. Focus on your overall relationship goal not the outcome of a specific relationship

8. Unequal attraction/interest:

“Tune in” to vibes from the other person. Be honest with yourself. Often the level of attraction and/or interest is not equal for the first few dates. If you sense your attraction to the other person is not really reciprocated, don’t force the issue. Let go so that you can direct your energy toward a more promising candidate.

9. Follow through and respect:

Unreturned phone calls and lack of follow through are hurtful. Chances are you’ve been on both sides of this issue. So, don’t say something you don’t mean or make a promise you won’t keep. Please have enough respect for the other person to communicate where things stand. That way, you can both move forward.

10. That Special Quality:

You’ve got it! Give yourself permission to acknowledge it in yourself and then let it come through on all future first and subsequent dates.

10.5 An Air of Mystery:

Leave your date wanting to know more about you (2nd date?).

Back to Articles Page